05 3 / 2012
Recently I’ve been told that I’m fuggin shallow because I put such an importance on a guy’s bank account. Yeaz, like I know it seems like I’m some fuggin gold digger betch or something, but that is totes not the case. There are several legit reasons for this. So next time someone tells you that you’re a fuggin gold digger or like whatevsies, just refer to these great reasons why you wantz a man with fuggin money in the bank (and pref a fuggin boat).
Ok, first off, like I think a man should be a man. A husband should like fuggin take care of his wifey and children. There’s a reason the saying “the man brings home the bacon”, exists and it’s not because they fuggin grocery shop (you have to get a maid or whatevsies for that). That being fuggin said, it’s not like I want to get married to the first fuggin baller to ask me, and I don’t want to marry someone just because they’re totes loaded (though it increases their chance of making me a holla back squirrel). I have like dreams and stuff of my own, so a guy’s dreams have to be equal to or greater than mine. What woman wants to be like “hey baby, I had a totes awesome day at work” and her hubby is all like a fuggin starving artist. Umz, no. I need a man who can earn more than me because if he doesn’t then he’ll all feel emasculated and shit, and then that’s bad. First there’s awk as fug fights, then he fuggin cries, and then it’s like no fuggin sex… No, you do not wanna fuggin go there.
Secondly, I’m just trying to maintain a lifestyle. Most Daddy’s tell their daughters that once they’re married, the support is done. While I don’t live in my Daddy’s house, I still love off his fuggin bank account. So how am I supposed to go from fuggin baller status to like eating fuggin mac and cheese every night? Umz, the short answer is IDK, because that fuggin shit would never happen.
Lastly, I don’t wanna be with someone who doesn’t put an importance on money, it’ll like eventually make them feel totes awk in my fam. Like if my uncle is talking about his new villa or something and my husband is all like talking about The Olive Garden, it’d totes be like, WAIT, WHAT? Or if like I marry a guy who like doesn’t know how to fuggin sail or ride, what is he going to do on family get togethers? I mean, I guess someone can always learn how to be a WASP, but like someone should be who they are, right?
I’m just being honest, sorries I’m not sorries.